One of my surprising small pleasures is watching forensic investigative shows on TV. When they get to the ‘look away now’ parts, I suddenly pursue an urgent task in the kitchen to break the tension. But, until recently I couldn’t figure out my fascination with these types of programs. And then, a story line brought it into focus for me. Aside from the ugliness of the crimes, what they are mostly dealing with is the behaviours of people. I’ve had a life-long fascination of asking why people do the things they do–myself included! The story line that clarified some things for me was one in which a woman tried to murder the man who had murdered her daughter. Gruesome, I know. Bear with me. The forensic team tried and tried to understand who was pursuing him and why the man was a target. When they finally realised at the end, it was the mother, the investigator asked her how could she do what she had done? Her answer– “Because my rage was greater than my fear.” Wow. Not only did I have the answer to the TV program storyline, but very soon, I realised something valuable about my own nature. The very next morning I arose early and saw that the light was a spectacular golden colour, due to some clouds near the horizon. I grabbed my camera and headed toward the best view of the ranges, which was my old walking trail. Before I knew it, I had gone quite a distance, over hill and dale, chasing the light for a good photo.
Last year it was a regular route for my walks, until some wild Dingoes began stalking neighbourhood pets and owners out for a walk, and running in a small pack in the area. I slightly altered my route, in closer to public areas for this reason, and then was dive bombed by a couple of angry crows (no relation to ‘Angry Birds’ for you gamers out there!) who were a bit overzealous in protecting their nest, which I hadn’t seen. It was quite scary, actually. With not much option, I changed my walking route completely, but temporarily, I thought. Until recently, I hadn’t even thought about the fact I had not returned to that path, though I used to love it. Early in the morning when the sun is coming up it is a glorious view of the ranges. The day after the TV program was on, and I had been lured by the sunrise to take photos, something occurred to me when I arrived back home. My desire for the light had overcome my fear of what had once kept me from walking that way. Isn’t it often that way? We are pushed forward by love or light or desire to live more fully, and that desire overcomes our fear or whatever has held us back. And thus I have discovered, I am not so much fearless, as I am a Light Chaser.