If you have been following my journey of treatment, you will know that I have tried to tell things as they are. The thing I have noticed about life is that I can never quite anticipate what will unfold, with regard to emotions, but especially the last few months. It hasn’t happened often, but when I least expect it, the tears will come. In recent months the times I have cried have not been when receiving ‘bad’ news, but have been when others have shown me kindness. It’s not as if no one has shown me kindness in my life, but for some reason, that always catches me ‘off guard’. I have spoken with others recently who feel the same. Isn’t that intriguing that we should be so touched by a simple act of kindness?
Allison and I have had a wonderful few days together that will probably stay in our hearts and minds for many years to come. We’ve shared feelings and thoughts and food and retail therapy and laughter. What could be better?
Today when it was time for her to leave I unexpectedly had a churning in my gut, tears in my eyes, a lump in my throat. It really completely surprised me because it wasn’t as if I’m not going to see her again in just over a week. Also, Don is coming this evening so I won’t be alone for long. And anyway, I am a person that doesn’t mind my own company so being alone doesn’t usually perturb me. I hugged and kissed her good bye, and blew her a kiss as she pulled out of the car park before walking back to my room. Just ‘be with it’ I told myself. Feel that sadness and see where it comes from. Is it about being alone or is it about losing her beautiful energy from my presence for a while, or the kindness of her coming to see me and not wanting to rush away? All, I decide.
I put on a load of washing and made myself some lunch and just as I was washing dishes and putting them away, there came a text message. She had arrived at the airport and turned in the rental car without any problems. A mother is relieved, and sad. She is a step further away now. I sat down with my computer to check for email and there, sneakily, tucked inside the computer was a card. Oh, no, I thought, I can just tell there will more tears now. It was the loveliest of handwritten words from a lovely young woman I, most gratefully, accept is my daughter. Her words of appreciation I shall keep just for myself, except to tell you, she counts me twice among her blessings. That goes double for me.
Betty Davies said:
I think tears are one of the most wonderful healers….if only we are brave enough to allow them to flow when they come knocking. Funny, Ardys, but I was in my studio this afternoon, looking for that piece of music that would get me ‘into that space’….. and found it in Loreena McKennit’s ‘Dark Night Of The Soul…..and as I painted, I also wept!
Oh what a gem you have there. I know you are truly blessed with her. XXOO
Marjorie Taylor said:
I am a High School friend of your mother and have been reading your daily blogs. You do so well expressing your feelings. You and your daughter are quite beautiful. I want to wish you the best with your treatments. I just had my 84th birthday.