It is raining steadily today, having transformed from tiny ice crystals trying to decide whether or not to be snow. It is the last official day of Winter in Ohio, but of course Mother Nature is in charge, so the nasty stuff seems committed to the final hour just after midnight tonight! Robins hop along looking for good nesting material, geese are pairing off and the weather suits the ducks and their frisky pursuits without bother. While the earth is being reborn, the life who gave me life, and has been the repository of family love and knowledge is slipping away.

Fine weather for ducks
Every trip we have ever made to the Southern Ohio region, since growing up here and leaving it, has been important to us. But none more so than this trip. On our way here a couple of weeks ago, I checked email messages just as we arrived in Melbourne, Australia. There was word from my brother that Mum had been taken to hospital in an unresponsive state but had regained consciousness. It was with that limited information we departed for the USA the following morning. I knew there was nothing more I could do; we were getting there as fast as was possible. Still, I didn’t sleep a wink on the 14 hour flight, plus another 12 hours before arriving at 10pm that night at our destination. An update in LA told us she was awake, but even after a battery of tests the hospital staff was uncertain of the cause. She had two more episodes in hospital, nearly ‘coding’ and with the electric paddles and cart at bedside, ready.
When we arrived at the hospital they were prepping her for surgery to insert a pacemaker. There was SO much factual as well as contradictory information for us to absorb. I was the only child/next of kin present when the surgeon asked if we knew her medical history. I knew she had not had a history of this kind of thing but I had not seen her since early November and emails and video chats do not carry this kind of information. Things can change. I try to keep up but there is nothing like being there to inform a person. At least I knew who had the answers and could direct the surgeon to my niece who is a nurse and has good knowledge of Mum’s medical history. Eventually we were able to stop the procedure but not before Mum was on the table, draped for surgery! The surgeon, and we, thought it likely that the medicine she had been prescribed after a stent procedure in early January, was probably the cause of the episodes.
We brought her home to the assisted living apartment where she lives and began to try and unravel the cause of a variety of problems ranging from miscommunication between emergency crew to family response. It was so confusing. Every day there was a new piece of the puzzle to fit into the picture, and most days a new complication as well.
Finally we established the cause of most of the issues. It was a small piece of paper called the File of Life that hangs on Mum’s fridge, in case of emergency. It had not been updated in nearly 4 years! So, in her unconscious state, incorrect information was given to the hospital, which was not even the hospital from where her heart specialist works. Incorrect facts layered upon misunderstandings. The situation surely could have gone a devastating way very easily. That dated piece of paper could have been the File of Death.
Despite our best efforts, we have all learned we must be more vigilant and proactive. Mum is not able to advocate for herself any longer. It is a shock and a steep learning curve when these things happen, but they happen to most of us in one form or another. It is obvious to me we were meant to be here exactly when we arrived, and doing exactly as we have done. I can see clearly now, the rain is gone… even if I can’t see all the obstacles in the way.
Isn’t that the way of life? We’re faced with something we do not understand or know how to deal with, but often after, there is some kind of realization that brings a crystal clear knowing. “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone” song has always rung true with me after an event. Your images are so soothing Ardys – especially the feather… after the rain.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Lori. Taking a few photos has been my therapy in the passed week. We are here with Mum through April 2 and hopefully things will smooth out.
LikeLike
Methinks so many of us can say ‘been there, done that’ and thus understand you more than adequately. You seem to have arrived there at a very vital time – some things may not be able to be changed, but at least you can make the best, most loving and caring decisions needed. For that my best wishes and prayers to up above . . .
LikeLike
Thank you Eha. Yes the longer we live the more of us have been here and done this. We are in good company. It is part of gaining wisdom and compassion.
LikeLike
I read this with much empathy, breath suspended. A learning experience of our own passing years has been that of caring for the previous generation and understanding how to balance their independence with providing support. Even in person it’s not easy to keep tabs on everything on someone else’s behalf. A happy outcome to see the photos of your mum, that although there has been rain there’s been happiness. And as well there’s been opportunity for some creatiivity ☺
LikeLike
Thanks so much Dale. We are able to relax a little now and visit with Mum. Taking a few photos has been very therapeutic. Also Don and I go for a 25 min walk each morning, even yesterday when it was 2c! 😱
LikeLike
It’s awful to watch someone we’re close to slip away piecemeal.When we don’t live at or near home we often miss changes and frailties setting in and don’t realise that person may not be as fully in control as we expect. Changes slip by us so easily.
It’s part of life and for all it hurts it’s sometimes unavoidable and is no-one’s fault.
I really empathise with you Ardys having undergone similar visits. I hope things improve for you.
xxx Sending Hugs Galore xxx.
LikeLike
Thank you David. Yes we have seen the signs of change but they seem to converge and suddenly get significantly worse, especially when there are medical complications. All hugs gratefully received. xxx
LikeLike
you arrived in the nick of time Ardys, saving your mother from an unnecessary and dangerous procedure. Life works in strange and good ways sometimes- such a heartening story. What a beautiful photo of your mother with the little one. Baci, F
LikeLiked by 1 person
I cannot believe how this visit has unfolded. Nearly every day has been some new challenge and none of the family had any idea things were so bad. Tante Grazie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My thoughts are with you and your Mum. Thank goodness you arrived when you did…one of life’s many miracles. ❤ It stops and reminds us all of the precious gift of life.
LikeLike
Yes, there is no question we were supposed to be here at this time, difficult though it has been. Thank you Laila–still waiting for your little bundle, I assume! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
SO glad she is all right! So it’s not only in the States that you have miscommunication mired in staff incompetence and knife-happy doctors. Makes me so angry – and brings back unsavory memories. Can you imagine what could’ve happened if you hadn’t intervened so patiently and conscientiously, A? Hope you’ve caught your breath.
Diana
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Diana. Actually we ARE in the US, near Cincinnati, and it was quite a shock to us how this whole thing happened. We’ve been here three weeks and we only unraveled the final (we think) repurcussion from that hospital experience a few days ago. Not saying things don’t happen in Australia, but this particular scenario would not have happened due to our universal Medicare system.
LikeLike
See? That’s what I thought. Hmph! America, the Land of the Free(-Flowing Red Tape). You’re a gem of a daughter. But we also imagine what our mothers would’ve done in the reverse if we were helpless (and all those yrs we WERE helpless in our youngest years).
LikeLike
You are so right, I think of all the times she was there for me and I realise I can never do enough to repay her, but having a daughter, I also realise it is payment enough if they are well and happy. Thanks Diana. xx
LikeLike