Have you ever come home from a vacation and felt the ‘letdown’ of having to return to ‘normal’ life? It’s a similar feeling many of us experience after Christmas is over, or any holiday or birthday that we have anticipated with high expectation.
For weeks I have been experiencing a ‘flatness’ and wondering what exactly it was, and more importantly, why? In my own case I was extremely glad to return home from our holiday in November, as it had been hard work at a time when what I really wanted was rest. I was very glad Christmas was over this year, as it just felt like ‘too much’ with all that had already gone on in previous months. So if it wasn’t post holiday or post holidays letdown, what was it? Part of me knows I am still recovering from the whirlwind of the second half of the year, and part of me suspects some of my feelings may also be from the hormone treatment, still in its early stages of taking hold. Yet there was something else at work here…
A couple of days ago I saw on Facebook the comment of a friend who was ‘sad to be returning home’(or words to that effect) after their holiday. The Hallelujah Chorus went off in my head! That feeling happens at a time after one has highly anticipated a change of scenery or routine, pampered oneself, done all the fun things, eaten all the nice foods, and it comes to an end. We are sad that the ‘good times’ couldn’t continue. What good times, I thought? Life has not been that easy in the last 6 months. Not easy, but it had one component that I have sought to achieve most of my adult life. It had focus. And it had purpose. Wow. If having cancer could give me focus and purpose that brought me the kind of feeling I would miss when it was over, what would it feel like to achieve that focus on something I enjoyed?? It was too revealing to comprehend at first.
What does that feeling signal to us, that ‘coming home after vacation letdown’? I think it’s a readjustment time. It’s a feeling that is telling us ‘here’s your chance to re-evaluate some things’. Do it now before you are mired in the routine of daily life again. I was simply being given a ‘pause’ to consider and re-align myself with new purpose and new focus. It’s time to leave a few old things behind, or at least suspend them for a while, so that I can focus on something less medical, but as challenging, as the last year has been. As Australian tennis champion Lleyton Hewitt says when he is playing and makes a great point ‘C’MON!!!!!’