Yesterday was a low point. I realised I didn’t want to do anything. Not even if it was delivered on a silver platter by Michael Bublé. Even a shower seemed overwhelming. Though I did get that done eventually. As I was drifting around the apartment around midnight, taking photos of the moon over the city asking myself why I couldn’t sleep, I realised something had to change.

We are entering phase two of settling into our new life. Mostly it has gone well until the recent few months when death and health issues complicated things. The most important of those, Don’s treatment for lung cancer, is going well. Well enough that a week after his third chemotherapy/immunology treatment he was able to fly to Brisbane to deliver a long ago promised Key Note speech at a conference. He has been a good lad and reported in a couple times a day and is on his way home as I write. But there are 31 treatments yet to go, so we will not get ahead of ourselves.

Two days before the above unexpected turn of events, I had paid for my yearly membership to online *Pilates, PLUS an extra 12 weeks of personal instruction. And now three weeks into the course it feels like too much. But the instructor is adamant she will help me do what I can. What is that now, I ask myself? I’m still grieving the death of my Mother, worried about my husband of nearly 43 years, our daughter moving to Singapore in June, have had to have laser treatment on my left eye which is losing the battle with glaucoma, and the general deterioration of vision from reading glasses to wearing multi-focal glasses full time, and the continual loss of use of my right hand. All in the last three months. Which thing can I not do, please tell me?

And then the Pilates instructor sent a bit of encouragement to the special membership group that said 

One thing I want you to keep in mind this weekend: rest is just as important as movement and action.

And even though I knew this, the timing was perfect and I knew what I had to do. Nothing. And lots of it. The minute I decided that was my course of action I felt lighter. It’s a glorious ‘pink cloud morning’ and I gently did a few stretches, without timing them, and put on my walking shoes to see where they would take me. The first thing they told me when I was a block from home was to send a ‘pinch’ to my lower back when I hurriedly crossed the road. ‘Slow down’ they said, enjoy the cool autumn air and sunshine and walk at a relaxed pace. So I did. No more pinching necessary. I enjoyed listening to classical music and walked around my neighbourhood to see what was happening on ANZAC Day.

A gorgeous autumn leaf lay waiting for me to take a photo as I passed through Chinatown. People walked their dogs, pushed prams with exuberant babies in them. Some homeless people slept undisturbed and the few little cafes that were open busily looked after coffee and breakfasts. 

As I neared our building, there came four white horses with riders dressed in parade uniforms, fresh from the ANZAC march. I couldn’t get my phone out fast enough but they were every bit as majestic as you might imagine. I can still hear their heavily clad shoes ‘clomping’ along the pavement. I have a soft spot for horses.

For the foreseeable future I will take things slower and rest more. Or at least for the rest of this  ‘pink clouded’ day. 

* https://www.mypilatestime.com is the online membership I’ve had for two years and just starting the third year. Beth is very experienced and helpful and supportive, especially to those of us who have little experience with Pilates.