What are you willing to give up, to have what you want?

This has been my mantra for the last couple of years. At first it was floating quietly in and out of consciousness. Gradually, as months of efforts toward downsizing wore on and health issues made themselves known, the question grew louder and my answer became clearer. But it is a many faceted answer.

About four years ago there was a shift in our neighbourhood. It had been gradually morphing for years but with only occasional obvious repercussions. Then new neighbours moved next door with a very aggressive and vocal dog. Our immediate surroundings changed overnight.

There were other things that we began to notice but the most obvious one that concerned us deeply as years moved on was increased social unrest and violence in town. Gradually I was intimidated to even go grocery shopping by myself due to the random incidents and confrontations. Shops closed, partly due to the effects of the Pandemic and partly due to social issues.

Gradually our quiet neighbourhood changed to one with younger people who wanted to live large…and loud. Parties, barking dogs and motorbikes became the norm.

And then both of us had health issues that were not going to ‘go away’. Both of us have diminished sight, both of us have had cancer and have the effects of treatment that lingers on tho the cancer is under control. Recently I have been diagnosed with Ataxia, a set of symptoms for which the cause is yet to be determined. My speech, balance and right hand are affected. The hand is the most worrying, which is why I haven’t written many blog posts lately. It takes me about twice as long to type something now as it used to. Not just that but nearly everything I do has been effected, chopping vegetables, pegging out washing, trimming my own fingernails, buttoning shirts, tying shoes, even using cutlery to eat. The most disappointing thing has been the effect it has had on my art work. I’m still trying to modify everything, buying new cutlery that is more user friendly, using my left hand more to assist with things etc. But also I have lost strength. This, despite daily exercise and activity. I still do my own house cleaning, but a little less often, admittedly. And taking more time to do everything means less time to write and fumble with the keyboard.

So to get back to the question above… We have been willing to give up 3/4 of our belongings. We are willing to give up our lovely home of 25 years in a place where daily wildlife encounters and natural beauty surround us, so that we can move to a smaller place, in a city, with more conveniences and health care resources and have the next chapter of our life be comfortable and easier.

I have not totally given up blog writing, but depending the trajectory of health issues I might have to. I might have to give this up to have more time to paint (if that is still possible) and more time to enjoy the pleasures of city living in a prime location with nearly everything in walking distance. We move at the end of August but our apartment won’t be finished for occupation until October. Meanwhile we will be house-sitting for good friends near the beach in Adelaide. It’s a very welcome move and everything has fallen into place like magic, which is always a good sign for a new dream. We have high hopes for some good years ahead of us.

We have lived our dream for over 40 years and now we have a new dream.

11 responses to “What are you willing to give up, to have what you want?”

Eha Carr

Jul 26, 2025 at 1:47 am

A long time ago an Irish lover I nearly married told me quietly ‘darlin’, just go with the flow . . .’. In spite of many friends believing that means ‘giving up’, methinks I personally have ‘survived’ because my nature has allowed me to do so. I do think you are on the same path with quite a few advantages I lack. I am sorry about the ataxia but fully understand . . , some 15 months ago scans showed I had managed to get rotor cuff in both my arms – ie some major muscles have become detached from their ligaments in both arms and I am too old for 6-8hour operations with 6-8 month recuperation time. There are other pretty major health problems, Thus I am in the same position as you in my ability to use my arms in my case. And you are way more fortunate – I had no option but to move into a serviced studio in the same Village to have major cleaning, laundry and cooking done. I look for advantages and try to manage the inevitable disadvantages. Not always easy but one feels tremendous if one has taught oneself some new way to do something old . . . and I have managed more than once to feel I have won a prize. More to come. I cannot type with the computer at normal height – if I keyboard downwards and inwards the fingers work :)! I am certain the move south will be a life-improving one for both of you . , especially as you have felt a societal change in Alice during the past years . . . I truly wish you well . . and do hope you will find ways to send news into the ether for us to share with you . , , wishing you the bestest . . ,

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1. Ardys
  
  Jul 27, 2025 at 5:45 am
  
  Thank you Eha. I agree, every time I teach myself to modify the way I do something it feels like an achievement. I am bewildered that I learned to ‘touch type’ from age 17 and have always thought it was one of the most useful skills I learned in school. And now any young person with two fingers could ‘out-type’ me! Our move is coming at a time that will certainly make some things easier, however. Very best wishes with your own health challenges, they sound life changing for certain. xx
  
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Kim Smith

Jul 26, 2025 at 2:43 am

I can imagine how frustrating the ataxia must be for you, Ardys. Sorry you’re dealing with that. If you have to give up blogging, I’ll miss your stories, but it’s completely understandable. I’ve been having more frequent conversations with friends about our needs as we age, and our options for aging in place or moving to a senior community. These aren’t fun things to think about, but I should thank you for sharing so much of your journey and showing me how to be strong and just get on with it, come what may. Sending best wishes to you and Don.

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1. Ardys
  
  Jul 27, 2025 at 5:35 am
  
  Thank you for your heartfelt comment. I know you are dealing with some pretty dramatic changes in your own life and neighbourhood. I remember our small town in Bethel when I was a child and no one even locked their doors. But a couple of decades on that had changed. I suppose these changes are inevitable. The shame of it is it’s a small minority that cause most of the distress, most people are thoughtful and trying to do their best. And in later years when we crave peace and a more gentle life, it seems even worse. Sorry for my late reply, my hand was too tired yesterday to do more. Very best to you, and hopefully I can hang in to the blog for a while yet.
  
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daleleelife101.blog

Jul 26, 2025 at 3:37 am

It’s more than a very good question rather an ongoing awareness. We gave up city life for country life. Lots of wins but there are more than a few things we miss. We just traded off the shady canopy of three big trees for a reduction in roof & gutter maintenance work making remaining in situ longer more tenable. We’ve both definitely slowed down, accommodating our aging hardware (aka bodies) which means updating our software (aka brains) accordingly.
There’s much wisdom in Eha’s “go with the flow” when applied constructively.
Ataxia is something I hadn’t heard of… definitely challenging. The timing of your move is good, through foresight rather than desperate necessity and I have no doubt you will continue to adapt with the sense & style you bring to everything you do ♡

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1. Ardys
  
  Jul 26, 2025 at 6:07 am
  
  Thank you for your thoughtful and generous reply. Having watched all of our parents wait ‘too late’ to make their moves, we vowed years ago to be more forward thinking with our plans. Health issues happened quickly but we recognised what we needed to do and the Universe worked with us. The Ataxia is actually a word for that particular set of symptoms, the cause is still being investigated but tests are in the pipeline. Best case scenario is it is only my body’s version of aging. Parkinsons and MND have been eliminated from probable causes, but there are still other things to consider. Best to you both as we all feel our way through the next chapter. xx
  
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Penny

Jul 28, 2025 at 8:15 pm

Thank you for another thoughtful and beautifully written post, especially given the challenges of typing it. You’ve planned carefully, downsized with intention, and are now entering this next phase with grace and perfect timing. Wishing you all the very best. xx

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1. Ardys
  
  Jul 28, 2025 at 9:48 pm
  
  Thank you Penny, I appreciate your good wishes. The hilarious (and a little annoying) thing about this decluttering/downsizing exercise is that every time I finish going through a drawer or a cupboard, then go back to it weeks or months later, I find MORE to get rid of. ‘Why didn’t I see that before? It’s been years since I’ve used that…I forgot I even had that’ etc. And all of my friends have said our house did not seem messy or cluttered at all before this! And, last but not least I will definitely write a couple of updates along the way, because I’m very sure we are still taking too much. 😉
  
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  1. Keith Shebesta
    
    Jul 30, 2025 at 12:58 pm
    
    Ardys, your blog really hits home and whether we want to face it or not, all of us in our age group has to be thinking ahead. How I treasure the days of my youth when retirement, health issues and estate planning were too far away to even think about. As one might say, life happened faster than I thought possible. Fortunately, our health issues are under control (so far) and we are in a house that will serve us until it doesn’t. And we have yet to dispose of so many collections that we have gathered over the years. Thanks for sharing and bringing to light our “older age” issues that will have to be dealt with whether we want to or not!
    
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  2. Ardys
    
    Jul 30, 2025 at 9:38 pm
    
    Thanks for your thoughtful comment Keith. We are fortunate to have seen a path forward through all of this, but we were looking for it. I read recently, ‘the things that are meant for you will find you’ and that seems to be what has happened. It helps to be open to new things, of course, and we have always been that way inclined. While being at times a difficult journey, I feel so much lighter now, to continue the path forward. Best wishes to you.
    
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William Beattie

Aug 7, 2025 at 2:33 am

Dear Ardysez, (thinks :

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