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ardysez

~ surrender to yourself

ardysez

Tag Archives: death

the beauty of Melancholy

31 Sunday May 2015

Posted by Ardys in Life

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

beauty, death, life, melancholy, sadness

IMG_2982You know how Melancholy comes to visit? She quietly slips under the door, and floats along from room to room until she finds you. Then she follows you, sitting in your lap, accompanying you on walks, being painfully present.

Melancholy is a species of sadness that arises when we are open to the fact that life is inherently difficult and that suffering and disappointment are core parts of universal experience. It’s not a disorder that needs to be cured. Modern society tends to emphasise buoyancy and cheerfulness. But we have to admit that reality is for the most part about grief and loss. The good life is not one immune to sadness, but one in which suffering contributes to our development. Sometimes you feel sad and you can’t quite put your finger on why. It’s not one acute sorrow that’s eating you. You feel in a way the whole of life calls for tears.

When I first read the line ‘reality is for the most part about grief and loss’ I thought ‘No, it’s not!’ But as this idea has settled into my psyche, I realise my strong reaction to the contrary was an indication of how right it is. We are funny creatures that way, often declaring adversely, those things which are most true.

Why is it, then, that my visitor comes, uninvited, and often, but is not thrown to the curb? Because I am a Light Chaser, and even I know, there is no light without darkness.

We find beauty not in the thing itself but in the patterns of shadows, the light and the darkness, that one thing against another creates… Were it not for shadows, there would be no beauty. –In Praise of Shadows, 1933, Junichiro Tanizaki (via Brainpickings Newsletter)

IMG_2807Melancholy came three weeks ago today, searching the shadows of death to illuminate for me what the life had meant to mine. The Now Departed was someone who had been very influential in my life during my teens and twenties. The truth is, we had grown apart in recent years but both of us honoured our past relationship with fondness, gratitude and loyalty. Right in the middle of my huge clearing out of possessions, she passed, creating yet another, necessary adjustment to my surrounding energies. It has been a lot to mull over.

Her influence is everywhere. As I sorted through cupboards and collections, recipes and photos, scarves and books; shadows and highlights merged. They are the fabric of my life, interwoven and unique; containing my first trip outside the USA to Mexico, my first trip to Italy–connecting me with my Italian heritage, my first train ride, tasting my first raw mushroom! How can you forget eating your first raw mushroom?

Melancholy is a key mental state and a valuable one, because it links pain with beauty and wisdom.

So, I have been reflective, sad, grateful…and now, I see…all of that is part of the connection Melancholy provides to other parts of ourselves. I commend to you an article in its entirety on this topic, and hope it may help you, as it did me, understand this part of life a little better. It is comforting to know these feelings are normal, and even desirable, to move us forward and connect us with better understanding. Not to mention beauty.

21 year old me with my Aunt, Rome, 1974

21 year old me with my Aunt, Rome, 1974

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seeing death with new eyes

18 Wednesday Feb 2015

Posted by Ardys in Alice Springs, Animals, nature, photography

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

Alice Springs, Australia, death, iphone photography, nature, photography, Waterlogue app

wallaby-skull-desert

(19) skull of a wallaby–circle of life

I see dead things. Please don’t freak out; I’m not going to make you look at anything gruesome… I hope. It’s not that I go looking for them, I just see things on my walks. It seems to me a privilege to live so close to nature that she shares these with me. Fascinating. I remember seeing an early painting by Édouard Manet in a small gallery in Paris. It depicted a dead rabbit, so clearly I’m not the first person to be captivated by this concept. At the time I wondered about his interest in that subject. Now I understand. There is beauty in it. To paint or photograph or draw carcasses, which many artists do to this day, helps us learn. Of course it helps us learn to draw and paint and compose images, but it also teaches us about the life cycle and that death, of course, is a part of it.

hopping-mouse-deceased

Face of deceased hopping mouse.

Our wet spell in early January caused growth in vegetation and fauna that has been both interesting, and highly annoying. Birds have gorged themselves on grasshoppers and insects. Mice have been abundant because the seed and grasses have been abundant, and probably the snakes have adjusted accordingly, though thankfully, I have no visual proof of that!

In this ripened, hot part of summer, one shuts the drapes and blinds in an effort to close out the radiant heat and help the air conditioning cope. Even cloistered inside, the white noise of cicada ‘song’ seeps into my subconscious, and puts me on edge. It seems to underscore the heat and somehow makes the days seem even hotter. Cicadas are dropping from the trees now and their carcasses litter the ground, providing banquets for the gazillion, or so, ants.

golden-drummer-cicada-deceased

Cicada carcass edited using Waterlogue app

(32) deceased galahs as found

(32) deceased galahs as found

But it was a true mystery the morning I walked to the back of the golf course and saw three dead galahs in quite demonstrative positions, as if an angry, but very precise, golfer had swung and surprised all three in a single felled swipe!

Another time, years ago, I captured the image below of a dying Galah. It moved me greatly, as it quietly waited for death. I know it was dying because a short while later when I went to check it, it was over on its side and ‘gone’. So dignified.

Galah-dying

Dying Galah beside the road.

(39) deceased butterfly, edited with Waterlogue app

(39) deceased butterfly, edited with Waterlogue app

All of the images are taken ‘as found’. I do not ‘arrange’ the scene, only alter my perspective through the lens. After taking these unusual photos, I decided to see if I could make some beautiful compositions from them. It seems to me it elevates the creatures’ ordinary passing to dignified images, perhaps even, immortal ones. What I see is that they show a variety of demises, much the same, but different, as our human endings. They are perhaps not as beautiful as Manet’s painting, but something worth seeing, nevertheless.

 

 

Photo of the Week:

(23) simplicity at dawn

(23) simplicity at dawn

My pick of the week of all the photos I’ve taken is one (below) that will look familiar, but is different. I showed you a very similar one last week (left) that I had taken a couple of weeks ago. There is something so peaceful and simple about it. But a few days ago as, again, I walked up the driveway for my morning saunter, I looked up and behold!! Not only a bird in almost the same place, but that sliver of moon on the wane. So, a photo I had thought was so rare I would never probably see it again, has revisited me, but with the added special touch of a silver sliver, smiling down. The next morning, there was neither a moon or a bird. I had truly captured a special moment in time…with my iPhone!!

bird-moon

early bird and sliver moon

 

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Grief

09 Thursday May 2013

Posted by Ardys in Family, Life

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

death, grief, hopefulness, sadness

Spring renewal

Spring renewal, Ohio dogwoods

It has been just over two months since Dad died.  I have been through grief before.  Without intending to demean his loss, it is pretty much like the other times I have grieved.  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s legacy to our society was her determination of the five stages of grief (read: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/).  Her original concept is fairly true, in my experience, though this website updates it and validates an individual’s path of grief, which can be unique.  In my own version of grieving I have not found the ‘bargaining’ stage to be relevant… shock, yes, but no bargaining.  I am somehow able to accept that the departure of our loved ones from earthly existence is not something we have any control over.

What I experience as grief is an underlying sadness that seems to come to the surface, sometimes at the oddest and most inconvenient moments.  This morning began in a happy and constructive way with a brisk walk, favourite tunes on my iPod and then a quiet, relatively calm browse through the grocery store.  At one stage as I bought a can of fruit, located adjacent to the candy isle, my brain betrayed me and shot off most unexpectedly as my eyes found some packets of licorice.  When I visited my parents over the years I used to frequently buy my Dad some of his favourite candies, among them licorice, Necco wafers, and butter mints.  Today as my eyes passed over the licorice it occurred to me I would never buy that for him again, and suddenly the lump was there in my throat and the tears rimmed my eyes… and I needed to buy milk.  Uuuuuggghhh.  If I had been at home I could have had a little cry and moved on, but I really didn’t want to let loose in the middle of the grocery.  So I kept my eyes down, felt it, and thought more about some of the other little treats I would not share with him again.  I will get used to it.

The other time that I am often surprised by the grief is when someone expresses genuine kindness to me, in sympathy for the loss.  This unexpected kindness grabs me and tears open a small hole through which the sadness bubbles up again, and the tears quickly follow.  I try not to cry because I don’t want the other person to feel as if they’ve done the wrong thing.  They have not.  It is through this expression of kindness I appreciate my fellow human beings in a special way. Helping me feel this deep connection is anything but wrong.

I have been oddly aware for years that life was preparing me for greater and greater losses.  This knowledge does not lessen the loss, but perhaps somehow makes the pain more bearable.  It has hidden inside it a sort of hopefulness, a knowing that I will get through.  The times when the sadness prevails become fewer.  Eventually, I will enjoy life with deepening gratitude.

How do you express or experience grief?

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